Friday, May 1, 2015

End of April Report

I just about have our apartment how I'd like it. Functionally, we have nearly everything we need. Years of luggage from Christmases and birthdays have come in handy; we've been storing our clothes that way for the last month. Once we shake off the stupor the last few big purchases induced, we'll get a couple of dressers.

Next will probably be a dining set, for board games with company and probably not much dining. Someday I'll have my bookshelf back from my in-law's house, along with the books themselves. Once I have those and something comfy to sit in while reading, I think all will be well domestically.

Being a stay-at-home wife was something of a necessity while we were still getting settled. It's not a position I ever imagined myself being in, and I have ambivalent feelings about it. On the one hand, it's a relaxed, quiet life. It doesn't take much to maintain a tiny domicile for two. I can get everything done and still have time to read and write as much as I want. On the other hand, I don't think it's a healthy long-term option for me.

Anxiety has made my world very small. I haven't driven farther than the Wal-Mart down the road, because the thought of exploring the biggest city I've ever lived in, alone, scares the heck out of me. On top of that, my 2005 Nissan seems to be feeling every one of its 179k miles lately. I don't have anyone to call if it breaks down in the middle of a six-lane road. This means I haven't worked up the nerve to turn in any applications anywhere.

I think I've reasoned myself out of the worst of it though. When I didn't zip through the self-checkout, and instead went to the manned registers, just so I could interact with another human being, I realized I'd let myself become too much of a shut-in. I shouldn't be doing that until I'm 95-year-old widow and all my friends are dead. Besides, if I want to afford dance classes and economically worthless but fascinating courses at the local colleges, not to mention support myself financially if Matt dies in a tragic accident, I need to make my own money.

Finally, in addition to make a huge life transition, I was also able to meet my Camp NaNoWriMo goal. I wanted to get the first 30k of Draft Three revised. While I pretty much flopped over the finish line at 30,010 words, I'm still proud of myself for accomplishing so much in the midst of upheaval. Some scenes just needed line edits, others needed more work, others still needed to be scrapped. It actually felt amazing after adding so much to the beginning to then "You know what? All of this needs to go!" I was starting to get concerned this was going to end up way too long.

I truly think the worst bits are gone now, and I have high hopes for getting the whole draft done by early July. Overall, April was a good month, and as long as I take it hour by hour, I think I can make May even better.

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